people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
