its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
