i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
