I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
