Banned from zoo.
Again?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
