So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
