He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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