I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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