never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
