I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
