The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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