When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
