our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how drunk are you?
Several
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
