you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
