Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
