Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
