u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
