how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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