You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
