I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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