I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
