I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
