Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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