good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
