Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
