You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
