i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
