You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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