the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
