He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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