I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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