it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
