Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
