i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
