We won't sleep together?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
