you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
