so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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