it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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