that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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