we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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