If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
