I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just forgot I was standing up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
