I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
