ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
