that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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