you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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