remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have demons in me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
