Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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