So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
