Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
